abandoned to Love and Grace

Ephesians 6:14-18
¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

I faced trials, uncertainty of where im heading, i find often that im empty, lost, nothing better to do and more often then not, feel that im just rotting away, not doing anything of worth at all, stoning away or wasting my minutes in front of the computer. 

Then there’s a simple solution to that, an answer, or more of… something i feel that i should be doing and am not. That is sticking close to Father God. I havent been praying deeply, reading the bible daily, even keeping God in my mind and Jesus close to my heart. 
no wonder it feels empty most of the time.  

Yet God speaks to me through the holy spirit, something i thought i dont deserve, but by the grace of God i do. 

ive surrendered my old life, old ways and more of my own ways i should die to and surrender, 
and the devil tries to stop me from doing that, the devil will try to stop every good man or woman of God from giving their lives to God wholly and that

is our battle to fight, because Christ has won the victory, we just have to get there too and give not the devil a chance to blind us that we still can lose. 

i surrender to You, Father,
now i fight alongside You. 

esse quam videri
to be rather than to seem

nothing thats worth comes without having to put up a fight 

christopher

was talking to nat about some of my weird dreams before and guess what? 

i had another one last night. 
it wasnt a funny one tho, it was terrible.

somehow, my brother and i were in this lake, and drifting (the lake was in my house… ????) then, well.. we saw a long jellyfish so i tried to hug onto this tree pole thing but it was too late and i got stung, TWICE, once by the jellyfish and another by something on the stupid @!#$%^(turtle)!@##!!! tree pole thing.
(i wonder how my brother got out alive)

so i was in a dazed, head heavy and me unable to walk properly, my mum decided to send me to NUH. BUT, she geniusly decides to wait for the bus to take us there, some dumb shuttle bus. All the while, me thinking “heck, ive got no time”  It came, and we WALKED to the A and E (and you know lah, in dreams, some places dont look like the real thing) the hospital in my dream resembled MERCY HOSPITAL (those who play L4D will know) disgusting….. 

so i reached there and a doctor (guess who???!!!) DR CHAI came, (timothy should know who this is) siao liao lah. He told me i needed a blood change, to drain the poison out from my body, sounded logical, but that i would go into a coma for about 2-48hours ???? all this while my mum wasnt with me. 

i was freaking scared in my dream, first time i thought i was gonna die in my dream (according to Yl, people who die in their dreams, die in real life) so i asked him to pray for me (????) and he did, hahah, annnnd he started the machine, hooked up one tube to my feet, ha ha ha and another to my waist. I lied down on the bed and 

WOKE UP, THANK GOODNESS ._. gosh, help me im traumatised

christopher

:/

someday we’ll know, why i wasnt meant for you

the picture is to offset the negative chi in the post

@#$&^*(turtle)@#$%!!!!! 
whats worst than going in for a paper and being blur for most of it?

knowing that you studied hard for the paper and STILL being blur for most of it.  

Oh save my poor marks.
I could rant on, on how bad the paper was, actually i did, hahah, study hard for the wrong thing, inconsistent, bad at maths,  write correct answer then cancel away and write wrong answer – my beeswax, which idiot?? ME LAH. hahah

It feels as though im screwing up my life in Biotech, ugh. 

i just hope my parents take it as well as i do….. 

which turns out to be, 
not
very
good.

christopher

Mandy:
Ninety Miles outside Chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I Need an answer
Two years later
he’s still on my mind
Jonathan:
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Both:
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

(Ohh)

(Chorus)
Someday we’ll know 
If love can move a mountain…
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue…
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you…

Mandy:
Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Jonathan:
Or what the wind says when she cries?
Mandy:
I’m speeding by the place that I met you 
Both:
For the 97th time…Tonight

(Chorus)
Someday we’ll know 
If love can move a mountain…
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue…
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you…
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Both:
Someday we’ll know
Jonathan:
Why Samson loved Delilah…
Both:
One day I’ll go
Mandy:
Dancing on the moon…
Both:
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you…
Mandy:
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow,
Jonathan:
I watched the stars crash in the sea,
Mandy:
If I could ask God just one question…
Both:
Why aren’t you here with me?…Tonight

(Chorus)
Someday we’ll know 
If love can move a mountain…
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue…
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you…
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Someday we’ll know
Why Samson loved Delilah…
One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon…
Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you…

This marks a closure of what happened in the past two weeks. 
Not that we’ll ever forget Jordan, but serves as a point to move on from. 

Dude, things move just so fast. Initially it seemed surreal to me, and its something that hit me so hard even though its the second time ive lost a friend. What were your last thoughts, as Tim and i struggled to keep you in a good position and concious, when you fainted, did you thought that you’ll never wake up? 

Nope, now thats all in the past, and i pray that you’re in the Loving Arms of our Saviour and God the Father. 
You are the singlemost heartful person i’ve ever known thats my age, you’re a decent guy, a fun-loving guy who never gives up on anything. You covered my sorry-un-cycling butt during the chalet and always at the back with me although you could run along and chiong to the front. We interacted so much as a clique, your slow eating, you making fun of my chinese and laughing at me, you laughing at the song tuts my barreh, we were even supposed to play l4d together, my first clique meal with you was when i gave you my last slice of pizza when we were late for class. The arm wrestles and laughing at CYC and me jokes, the apple trailers in Dr Choy’s class, the other jokes yall created with me in it, your laughter, your ‘wahlieeuuu’, your smile, your strength in our clique.
If there is anyone who deserves to go on to a better place, its definitely you. 

Definitely feels like something is missing whenever the clique comes together. Yet we know, you’ve moved on, and we’ll move on as well, with you in our hearts. 
Rmb the anime bleach? hahaha, they said that a heart is created when two person bonds and the heart is in the middle of them.
Rmb that our hearts are forever linked with yours and the bond we created within the clique will never fade, never disappear.  
Jordan, we’ll miss you. Taking exams and papers will never be the same without you.

but for you, the clique will stay strong

christopher

i know what it means now to live, each day at a time. 

the first time i had such an experience. i had regrets filled to the brim. 
Now, regrets are bursting out from my seams.  

twice ive learnt the same lesson, same way

dude, not like this, you cant go like this. everyone is praying, hoping, standing by your side man. 
You’re the toughest of us lot in the clique, you’ve gotta come through man, somehow, i dont care what you’re certified as, come on man, our jordan is somewhere in there. 

You were our protector, i see you 5 times a week, and 5 times a week you never stop to serve us. 
printing notes for us, koping drinks from subway, protecting my butt while clique night cycling.  
and for goodness sakes, you serve everywhere, selflessly, even when everyone else isnt. 
i have never seen anyone serve with such a heart.  

i have never stoned so much…. ever. 

wake up please, wake up. 
come on, come on.

today was supposed to be a normal day, normal routine, planned out day. 

not supposed to end this way. 

come on man, you have got to pull through

christopher

run baby run, dont ever look back

dinner is served! hahaha. i singlehandedly cooked dinner for my siblings and i, just normal pasta so its nothing much. 
Doesnt look really appetizing either cause i didnt have the time to go make it presentable, but its good! haha.

i secretly aspire to be a chef and an artist, hahaha

dont laugh!

i need to study from today onwards, if you see me online, please chase me off
from gear -10000 to gear 10, lets see how far i can go, haha 

christopher

10 Better is one day in your courts 
       than a thousand elsewhere; 
       I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 
       than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

My Lord my shepherd. 
indeed, better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewheres.
if i can bear that in mind, then my soul can find rest and peace. 

every decision i make, word i say, thing i do, move i make, Lord, you be the Lord of them. 

what does it mean to “bear Christ”?
Lord surely im too unworthy to bear that name, yet you’ve give it to me, yet Your grace allows me to.

amen

christopher

She goes up and down in my heart

i have 2 weeks plus after this week to mug for my final exams. 
just enough time if i start this weekend.
i sure hope i’ll get the right momentum and stuff.  

cant wait for clique lunch tmr. 
i sure hope things will be well.  

just bought a pair of running shoes, and it looks darn good. 

Today while my dad and i were on the ECP on the way to breakfast, we saw a suzuki swift racing with a bmw. 
It was quite cool cause they were zig-zaging in and out and everywhere. My dad’s car was kinda slow so we lost them after awhile, but it was still cool… hahaha.  

school is ending soon and attachment is starting, cant wait. 

christopher

and everyone knows im in over my head

if both my inac and bif common tests are bad. 
i know i have myself to blame fully.

like i was sent to war with only my underwear, i sat there staring at the paper, the paper stare back at me.
i miss you as a friend, but more than a friend, hahahah
less than a month left to mug, and im already in need of respite. 
what is this man.. haha

christopher

the song of a single heartbeat against the deafening silence

woah, crammed  Bioinformatics in while doing the project. 
K.I.L.L.E.R
sort of… brain.. dead now.

christopher

i’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you

today was terribly mundane and wasted. i went to school early thinking i could mug abit, but i had no mood. NO mood at all, and so i didnt even properly read the notes, i just.. died. 
The test came, and woah, it would be managable if i just frigging studied… and i couldnt even bring myself to do it, it felt so wasted, and still feels pretty wasted. 

nvm

came home, gymed and wanted to jog, but i went to play soccer instead, played like real badly as usual, and it feels like another wasted day. 

grah… im so distracted, so so distracted and i need the five letter f word…
F.O.C.U.S
which i dont have at all,
i have a million thoughts running through my head, why cant i just frigging focus on one.  

i feel so irritated and im keeping to myself more now. 
im growing colder, stupid me. 

christopher

Your Love it broke my fall, its more than enough and i need it
cause ive never known better 

ive got a confession to make, im supposed to mug for my INAC common test 2 now, cause its like tmr…. 
but i dont know why i cant bring myself to do it ._.

im already living such a screwed up life, why do i feel like im screwing it up more huh.  

okok, cant think like this, 
God is good, and God has a wonderful plan for me.

i just cant see it yet

there is a mosquito thats flying arnd my leg area biting my knees and it hurts, why does it like disney so much huh huh huh!!!!

christopher