abandoned to Love and Grace

i dare you to move

it was like God was asking me, gently showing me where im supposed to headed.
like He was telling me,
child, i dare you to move

Surrender is a concept hard to grasp in this day and age, to us, surrendering is not an act of weakness or decision made to gain respite or to give up fighting. Surrendering to us is a another fight, a fight to deny ourselves our rights and to follow God’s rights and will.
The strength needed to push down our ungodly desires of sloth or the lack of control over our tongue to even murder or adultery,
is God given, but human willed.
If we do not want to make it or to move, God can give us all the strength in the world to move the mountain, but we will not.

in every circumstance no matter what it is that im put in, in the many spectrums of trials i am in no matter how linked they are, i believe  it points to God and to this heart which i am serving Him with.

i am willed, God be my helper, i choose to move

christopher

cause when a heart breaks no it dont breakeven

someone wont know his limits till he is at his wits end.

i wasnt at my wits end, but i felt what its like to be stretched, and it was just a small little stretch.
when ive got stuff to do, i cant seem to pull myself together,

feel as if im in an endless cycle of falling into the state of, indifference and state of apathy.
if there is such a sin, im guilty of it. sin of apathy.

ANW, work is moving ahead, stuffs getting done, stuffs needing done, my report is due in a week and i have loads to look through. sian.

worst thing is, what im in is much less worse compared to other people
i cant stand myself sometimes

christopher

I, I don’t know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don’t know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

time really passes oh so fast.. hahaha, i was thinking of how, many things, us… are so intertwined.
yet we are able to so easily slip out from each other like the thread from a mess.
its just a muse, a thought and something to just reflect about since… yeah, nothing.. haha

when i know not of where im heading, know nothing about how are my circumstances gonna change, and know that i cannot trust how i feel, i can only take hold, grasp with all my life, on God.
the true meaning of songs on trust, faith can only be brought out when you’re in a situation where it requires you to have true faith and trust.

when you actually walk the valley, not sing about it.
when you feel the depth of your circumstances, not just imagine it.
when you constantly talk to God, and soak in His burning bush
then have you truly walked with God

christopher

If you call me today
I’ll say that I’m fine

I’ll be waiting for you baby
I’ll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we’re ready, til it’s right
Love is waiting

met up with lanz josh aaron and hosea at holland just to chill, talk and catch up.
the only fairfield catch up i had since i left after receiving my Olvl results.
honestly i had only not so nice memories and i had no connection, no nothing with that school, though it made me into a rather okay person.

time flies really, and soon it’ll be my turn to be in army and all those stuff, hahaha.

recently, somethings have been happening, nothing seems to be fine, and its been affecting me abit, but im all good, taking it all in my stride and trying to hear from God, which is very hard.

sometimes i know i dont belong anywhere, i know that ultimately ive always been the oddball and the one who is always set apart from others.
school, church, work.
its like a habit now

Father, why? if it was different, wouldnt if have been better?

christopher

Suddenly I know I’m not sleeping
Hello I’m still here
All that’s left of yesterday

rained while i was out playing soccer, on the way back i wanted to just lie on the ground get soaked fall asleep and fall really really really sick and not go to work for the next few weeks.

ive got loads to blog about, all running in mind when i was on my way back home from work

sometimes, we know not to feel a certain way, yet we do, and just emoing for a lil while actually makes someone feel better.

funny how i was counting the days down to the weekends when i started work, and now im counting down the weeks till the next month cause the days pass by so fast at jurong island. yaqin told me today, every good thing comes to end, and i guess she’s right, every banquet comes to a close (supposed in chinese i think…. )
suddenly, i dont wish to not meet the people in the lab, i want to see them, they’re in a way, closer to me than anyone else in this period of time in my life, even church friends seem like they are distant and gone.

i did what i did, so that its… less of a hurt in the future, if you ever saw this and all this while second guessing me.

im such a pain to understand… hahaha, im so unreadable and you’ll never know what im thinking.
i admit myself man, and i dont know why, but im just like that.

let me ask you something, do nice guys finish last?

Someday we’ll know
If love can move a mountain…
Someday we’ll know
Why the sky is blue…
Someday we’ll know
Why I wasn’t meant for you…

christopher

if we just live our lives
putting our differences aside
oh that would be so beautiful to me

im just wondering how long have i not been knowing anything at all,
today i just found out about Olivia Ong! her voice… is absolutely mesmerizing
was totally mesmerized to the point of… just wanting to be in the presence of her voice.
ahhh, and she is beautiful, i am totally s-m-i-t-t-e-n 

that must be how God’s presence feel like and much more.

christopher

love, where is your fire?

so life has been getting busier, in church, at work, which takes my mind of things for awhile. 
havent had the time to properly exercise, lazy and all.

i want to learn some form of martial art soon… HAHA.  

i dont know why im getting jealous and feeling so pissy over man.. 

im am hungry

something’s bothering me, troubling me, but i cannot put a finger to it

christopher

when you look me in the eyes

i caught a glimpse of how tired i can be man. 
for the past 3 days 72 hours including today, i have gotten about 5 hours of sleep total.  

i am dead tired. like even dead tired is an understatement. 

but night cycling at the east was da bombz, enjoyed myself really with everyone and cant wait for photos to be up. 
been spending time with my lab people and i enjoy every min of it seriously.  

however for now, all im thinking of is to survive w/o enough sleep since i have work tmr and that… i need to exercise(wtheck) 

my thoughts now are in a jumble

christopher

just had a meal and i feel like i never want
to eat again.

not

christopher

at the end of the day, its the same thing, same problem, same… same. 

 Psalm 88:8
⁸ You have taken from me my closest friends 
       and have made me repulsive to them. 
       I am confined and cannot escape;

i am confined and i cannot escape

christopher