abandoned to Love and Grace

go amplify your anger somewhere else and dont let it resonate in me.

cause I don’t wanna let you go, I dont wanna lose you slowly

as surely as the sun rises everyday, my Lord is with me.
surely Lord, i am not waiting in vain, surely you have my future in Your hands and in Your plans
surely, as long as i have faith and wait.

inspired, inspired.

week 2 is coming to end soon and i have this urge to sit down and study before i lose this momentum of wanting to get things done.

today i decided to take a night swim and because i dont wear my specs plus it was at night and it was kinda dark, i kinda got freaked out by this old lady hiding underneath the bridge humming some… tune.
Immediately, thoughts of freaked face multiple snake hairs mermaid with huge teeth and jet black eyes coiling herself around me, slowly devouring me entered my mind and i actually paused before going into the pool.

ah what the heck, who am i kidding, there are no such thing as mermaids and she was an old lady taking a swim too using the resonance of the bridge to amplify her voice.

I DID, hesitate though… for a moment. Why? I am a strong guy that can beat down any freaked face mermaids man.

i want to eat sandwich and drink chocolate cream chip frap

christopher

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still you make time for me
I can’t understand
Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love

Matthew 13:31-32
The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches.”

when Rufus shared this, and the same thought that he mentioned he had, i had too.
“cant you just have the faith to move with me? then i everything bao ga liao, cant you have the faith and let me do the big things?”

it was all i needed to hear.

after soccer yesterday, i think i pushed myself too hard, my back ached all the way through my hips to my thighs in out and calves. Crazy aches, i almost couldnt get up this morning, like literally cannot get up.
My walking speed decreased by like… 50%! hahahaha.

time to get on my momentum for work work work.

to the kids who are facing the dreaded cold hall of doom which you see almost every day for the next few weeks and somehow will have an attachment to the hall after awhile and not want to leave it and probably wont see this till i dont know when and probably already received my message.

All the best (: Prayers will not go unheard.

christopher

I can tell you one thing
We’re not better on our own
I’m tired of running, from my feelings
Are you listening?
Are you listening?

when life goes on, and things happen for a reason, when it is a dilemma sometimes the decision to you is harder to make then it seems to others. I sure dont want to be away from God.

Tonight, i stood by God, with all my strength.

and im so thankful its over.

IS classes were pretty alright, Ethical Dilemmas  was really interesting and challenging and same with world issues, singapore perspective. All exciting stuff.
But it was funny how for the first class, i only recognize two persons and it felt so foreign to be in that class. Thank goodness tim and rachel were with me for the other one.

Almost the end of the first week of school and im satisfied.

well kinda..

christopher

Georgia, you know that you’ve been on my mind

i really really really dislike, really really dislike, short tempers.

i see it so evident in my family, tempers shorter than toothpick and attitudes bigger than the universe.
Okay maybe im exaggerating, but it had become in me to really hate short tempers and flare ups for small mistakes and small things. I cannot stand impatience, even in myself.

which is also why, when im angry, or i get pissed, it means you REALLY have pissed me off.

that how was my day started.. terribly…

but nothing like tau huay and youtiao with my dad to make it right.

christopher

Sunday morning rain is falling

i like it when it rains

i cannot take it… alot of spices swimming in stomach. Feels terrible, somemore i drank milk after.. after the game. That wretched game… ha ha ha.

but fun lah.

anw, first day of school was kinda boring.. abit, but it felt mighty awesome to be back, to see construction going on that we dont know about, and to see buddy seabass in the aqualab and to sit in the cold lecture hall and eat SIM food, wear lab coat and berms and making noise in class, talk rubbish to the TSO, and to just enjoy the company.

awesome

first time i spent my night doing work and actually using my time wisely instead of just stoning in front of the com, organized my week.. kinda and attempted to complete my practical report. played some guitar and chilledz man.

._. this is my confused about life, no idea what i am to do, having a weird feeling, not entirely sad but not entirely happy either, mood face.

now im ._.

last thing… it just feels like, its weird and i. dont. know. why.
if you think its referring to you or a situation then maybe or maybe not, then if it isnt, then ignorance to you might be bliss but its not to me.

christopher

I’m the hero of the story
Don’t need to be saved

this morning, the sky was dark, and it rained like no tomorrow at around 730 plus.
Then it suddenly cleared immediately at around 8 plus. Certainly… Jesus calms the storm.

I was thinking on hindsight and replying annabel through email when i realised.
I finally know, how it feels like to shame the name of Jesus Christ and to be called a christian when.. i havent been any good.
It feels awful.

School is starting tmr! what a sad thing cause its my last semester in poly and a sad post about how good this journey has been will come later. For now, im just glad im going back to school cause it feels waaay better to be a student and no wonder the guys in army tell me to treasure this time. indeed.
Poly.. whenever i tell someone that i might not continue what im doing in UNI, the first thing they ask me… “then not wasted meh???” honestly? it hasnt, i’ve grown tremendous during this period, good bad and ugly, from the beginning till the end im sure, ive grown in aspects and ways that i wont regret, met different people and experienced different things, none of it i regret.

i still love how my class always creates trouble in a not troublesome way.

‘EH CHER, NOT QUICKSILVER LAH, ITS SILVER SURFER”
‘EH CHER, what is microcope?”

anw, something i wanted to add, today, irwin came up to me and told me his friend thought i was handsome..
HA HA HA, i feel so thrilled.. cheap thrill actually.
this is the kinda thing you ignore on my blog

christopher

I’ve looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I’ve been holding back,
and now there’s nothing I can’t do.
somedays, i wished
after watching 500 days of summer, and remembering the pretty girl that sat beside me at starbucks not long ago.

i’ve decided to go starbucks more often now, in case the one might be there. hahahahaha.

its a very good show anw! certainly one of the best ive seen recently.

been catching the sun and swimming quite alot and im pretty happy, haha. they say exercise brings about a happier person.. maybe…

christopher

she has an amazing voice

christopher

stole my heart twice, hahaha

christopher

aiyo, sigh.

i really got what i wanted and more though i didnt want it, really what i deserved man.

ive been stuck at starbucks alone for a long time.

they say each person has a words spoken quota everyday to reach, starbucks is a good place to be if you want to NOT reach that quota.

my butt is numb from sitting too long and i cant pee cause my laptop is here.

there is a pretty girl sitting beside me.. HAHA

christopher

if you wanted to talk to me, im sure you would have.

dont leave me second guessing and thinking you dont want me around.

It’s official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

after a week since the previous post. I’m thinking, what has changed since then? As i reflected back, i guess, it would soon be no more than empty words if i dont act on it.

something that struck me
Matthew 7:12, Jesus said to do unto to others what you would have them do to you. Not DONT do to others what you DONT want them to do, goes 10 steps ahead by pointing out, love is doing and not passive.
To love even before being loved. If you want to be loved, first, love.
Of course the question next that doubts is… i love but no one loves me.
With all honesty, i believe with my heart, God will love you, He has already loved you by His first act of putting His Son on the cross and He wont stop there. Let Him relate and show how far He will go.

later in the evening, i received an email, regarding a lecturer and this boy named tommy
1 John 4:16
¹⁶And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

indeed.. God speaks.

anw, today was cool, had abit of rest, made abit of food and i had this compelling feeling of cooking this whole week, haha. Did some cow time and really rested, went for a workout as well and to the doulos!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

after that, i wanted to talk to the crew about their experience and how i can join them, but i was too afraid :/

must pick up courage from the floor next time.

anw, i saw this person on my way to the doulos on the rooftop of vivo that looks uncanningly like someone i really know, so i called out her name in all confidence and realised that she was giving the huh? look and i thought, oohhhhkay…. walk away real fast now. ha ha ha, though, she is quite pretty thinking back.. hmmm HAHA.

woah, this is a heavy content post. last one for tonight

they stole my heart, hahahaha.

christopher

NO INSPIRATION TONIGHT.

BRAIN AT REST.

COME BACK TMR.

oh anw, today… something happened, something small, but upon reflection, it felt mighty awkward

christopher

If we’ve eyes to see
If we’ve ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths, the word that saves is near
Shed that shallows skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were
To believe is to begin

inspiration dances all around us.

Malachi 3:3
He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness

it certainly has been a purifying time.

i know whats my problem now, with what i was given with, i have not done  justice to it. Chose to be passive about it.
It is no wonder, with what i was given with, i had not multiply and therefore i cannot be trusted with more and with what i had it was taken away as well.
Then, its not a wow, power decision that is majestic in proportion to your life. Its the small ways daily that I choose to deny myself and walk closely with God. Its the every second repentance and lived in grace. With then can i multiply what i have been given. To do what He would have me doing.

To show the extra portion of grace and love that is mine to willed but God’s strength given.

Like CS Lewis puts it in the Screwtape letters,
” The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel. “
im missing yo_
christopher

please stop.

im terribly sick, please stop all these. stop, get out. i dont want these things, not now, stop.

too much thoughts

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there’s just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

i dont like knowing too much after i found out too much by my own curiousity. How annoying.

i dont like things too complexed because of other people involved. why cant things be this or that and nothing else? why the other, added… factors, confusion.
irritating how sometimes… clear signs are the least we show.

i feel rather.. bothered, but i’ll tell myself i’ll not be. i tell God, i’ll not be, because i’ll deny daily and walk closely.
there was only one, who could make my heart skip 10 beats
christopher

let me light up the sky, light it up for you
let me tell you why, i would die for you

is it me, or is the haze getting worse.

this morning, while working at the bsc, i dropped my plate while dazing away, brain being detached from bodily workings and i think its contaminated.

waited 5mins for the guy at the cashier/counter and he didn’t even care that we were there, when we had to go up to him, he said… ‘no more fish and chips’ …. wah sian really.

almost missed my stop because i fell asleep 5mins before my bus reached the stop when the rest of the 25mins i couldn’t sleep.

indeed, a series of irritating events.

i think i should keep my mouth shut and stay away. :/

regards
christopher

im leaving you, not sure if thats what i should do

yes, no, afraid of the response, what you’ll say, how you’ll act, what’ll happen, how is it gonna be like, again?, should i?, why?, am i ready?, do i?, do you?, yes, no, afraid of the response, what you’ll say, how you’ll act, what’ll happen, how is it gonna be like, again?, should i?, why?, am i ready?, do i?, do you?, yes, no, afraid of the response, what you’ll say, how you’ll act, what’ll happen, how is it gonna be like, again?, should i?, why?, am i ready?, do i?, do you?, yes, no, afraid of the response, what you’ll say, how you’ll act, what’ll happen, how is it gonna be like, again?, should i?, why?, am i ready?, do i?, do you?, yes, no, afraid of the response, what you’ll say, how you’ll act, what’ll happen, how is it gonna be like, again?, should i?, why?, am i ready?, do i?, do you?

thoughts that run themselves crazy in my head

anw, last night was a   s.u.c.c.e.s.s!!  thanks everyone for coming down and making it meaningful, although it was very much like, on your own though, but yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIANG! (if you see this)

i like chicken nuggets with curry sauce. i cant wait to learn driving. i’ve not played soccer for a long time and i want to.

christopher